Ok, husbands. If your wife reads this blog and you're trying to shelter her from some of the less appealing parts of sailing around the world, this might be a good time to distract her! :-)
First, let me say that Keegan and I have a good relationship. Our communication is good and when we fight it is usually swift and apologizes and forgiveness arrive just as swiftly. For those of you who know us, I think you'd all agree...we're gross.
The weeks leading up to departure were stressful and the first week of our journey was full of anxiety. I mean FULL of anxiety. I lashed out at Keegan like it was my job. I was not pleasant and I felt like I was not in control.
Stress usually comes along with change, but the time between San Francisco and Monterey was not pretty. My body wanted to revolt against itself. My brain could not process. I was a mess. A majority of the reason we stopped into an actual slip in Monterey was because I just couldn't take it any more. It just felt like too much change and that my brain was going to melt.
After a full week in a marina and a LOT of sleep the anxiety started to subside and life started to feel manageable again. Everyone deals with stress differently, but I'm pretty sure I was in Monterey for three full days before I felt a genuine smile cross my lips.
Since then, their have been more moments of deep anxiety. As the sun set on our first overnight sail I again let fear get the better of me. And again as we rounded Point Conception and waves slammed us around in the pitch black night. But these experiences have both been manageable in the long run.
I feel like I'm starting to come around to the idea of this cruising life. I'm starting to realize when I should be scared and more alert and when I just need to calm down. You can't live your entire life on high alert.
I'm sure that I am still many weeks away from fully adjusting to this new lifestyle from an emotional perspective and I'm also sure that it's okay. One shouldn't expect themselves to change so many things about their day to day life without some bumps along the way.